Monday, March 15, 2010

Skiing Thoughts

This past weekend I got to go skiing at Uludağ (pronounced oo-loo-dah), the first place I learned to ski back in 3rd grade. I found an all-inclusive ski tour package for the weekend and got two good days of skiing in. The skiing was a lot of fun--during a wobbly first hour or so I remembered how to ride, then I found some steeper slopes, explored and worked on my technique. I'm nice and sore now, but it was a good workout, and I was able to relax with a dip in the hotel's warm pool after the first day. All my meals were included and served at the hotel, and the spread was plentiful and filling.

But I'm a little sad about the trip. I had a great time skiing, but I was alone for most of the time, and that made it difficult. It felt lonely to be there without a group of friends of my own like just about everyone else that was there. It appeared that I was the only foreigner at my hotel, and while my Turkish is decent, the cultural barrier (as well as the more insular nature of the wealthier strata of society that were represented there) didn't lead to many natural acquaintances. I probably could have tried harder, but I was tired in the evening and didn't feel like going out anyplace where that would be easier.

I've also been wrestling with a sense of guilt over taking this trip at all. The process of arranging it was a distraction while working on Thursday and I had to quit early on Friday in order to pack for the weekend. That time can be made up, but the bigger issue for me is that I feel like I shifted from a service mode into a self-serving mode, as though the work I'm doing here was secondary, just an excuse to go see exotic parts of the world and spend money on myself.

I know part of that is just religious accusations, but I definitely felt convicted as I started thinking about what I was going to do my final week here when I'd planned more vacation time. If we don't get to where we need to on the website project this week, but then I just go off to see the sights, something seems to be wrong about that. What did I really come over here to do?

And so I'm realigning my priorities. If that means canceling my plans for next week (which were vague anyway), that's ok. God is giving me all sorts of great experiences right where I'm at, and there will be other times to see the sights, and it will be better if I'm with people. So I guess I'll have to start recruiting for next time. ;) This evening I was reminded of the simple joy of being with friends as I enjoyed a glass of wine with my hosts here, and I'm looking forward to more such opportunities.

And Thank God that He is the redeemer of clouded motives, that He's patient with us, that He still blesses us with good things, including new friends and new experiences, even in the midst of our inconsistency. I am still confident of this, I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

1 comment:

Unknown said...

Don't you go putting judgment on yourself that the Lord does not put upon you, he made those mountain's for a reason and it wasn't just for looking! miss you bud, Wednesday will be boring w/out you! i played "Hosanna"from Hillsong on Sunday and missed seeing my favorite worshiper it was so rocking..You will be met by a hurricane of love when you come home. Don't forget to hunt for God's treasure in people out there, seize the adventure! You are a champion!